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Funny Quotes

Welcome to Best Funny Quotes, your online source for the Funniest Quotes online. Here you will find Cool Funny Quotes, Short Funny Quotes and different categories of funny quotes like Funny Birthday Quote, Funny Divorce Quotes, Funny Wedding Quotes, Funny Women Quotes, Funny Love Quotes, Funny Christmas Quotes and Lots more.

Some Short Funny Quotes for you:

" Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives."


"It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats."


"A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke."


"Either he's dead or my watch has stopped."


"I have had a perfectly wonderful evening,but this wasn't it."


"I must confess, I was born at a very early age."


"I really didn't say everything I said."


" If it's sent by ship then it's a cargo, if it's sent by road then it's a shipment."


"It's deja-vu all over again."


"If you ask me a question I don't know, I'm not going to answer."


"It ain't the heat; it's the humility."


"It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living."


"The only reason I need these gloves is 'cause of my hands."


"You can't think and hit at the same time."


"If the world were perfect, it wouldn't be."


"If I didn't wake up, I'd still be sleeping."


"All women are good - good for nothing, or good for something. "


"The other teams could make trouble for us if they win."


"I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early."


"Ham radio operators do it with greater frequency."


"LAWYERS - CRIMINALS I FORGET THE DIFFERENCE"


"Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it."


"Well, at least the war on the environment is going well."


"Jesus loves me, this I know - that is why I don't drive slow!"


"IF THE SCREAMS FROM MY TRUNK BOTHER YOU TURN UP YOUR RADIO"


"Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool."


"A liberated woman is one who has sex before marriage and a job after. "


"Love Thy neighbors but don't get caught"


"I'M NOT TAILGATING I'M KISSING ASS"


"Ice cream is not sexy. It's not wiggly and jiggly."


"My feminine side is lesbian."


"Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason"


"Without geometry, life is pointless."


"You Look Like I Need Another Drink"


"Work, yeah I tried that once. Worst 7 minutes of my life."


" If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?"



"For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain."



" Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference."


"Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?"

Getting over a Break Up

1. Never get jealous when you see your ex...





2. Remember that you can't play on broken strings ...